Sri Lanka Edition Elle, Nuwara Eliya, Kandy March 2019

In this edition I watch a train going over a bridge and Brenda buys some pants.

Sri Lanka, Ceylon, Lanka is a marvellous holiday destination. The people especially are friendly, considerate and helpful. Thailand is called the land of smiles, however perhaps whomever penned that phrase hadn’t yet to visit Sri Lanka.

The stout has been rationed. No smiles.

I’ve always said the best place for a u-turn is on a sharp bend on a mountain road.

The place names have way too many vowels I think. Instead of all five appearing at least twice in every name a more economical approach would seem logical. Think of the effect on global warming with all that hot air required to pronounce the names. For example, Agunukolapelessa, Dachchahalmillewa, Galenbindunuwewa or Maradankadawala. My favourite, Bogawantalawa, which I think has more to do with methane.

The dogs all look the same. Sort of light brown, skinny and a bit like a dingo.

I think we paid more for a bumpy road in Ella.

Room 112.

The train trip from Ella to Nuwara Eliya is very scenic. Vast swathes of eucalypt forrest on the way.

Tunnel number 20 was my favourite. We must have gone through at least a couple of dozen.

We’ve heard several different pronunciations of the town Nuwara Eliya from Nurelleia to Narelle-Eliea, all which sound like my sister’s name. We settled on Narelleville, however still too many vowels.

Stayed in the Grand hotel that is a time warp to the bygone colonial era. Complete with endless dark wood fixtures, fittings and furniture, a large topiary garden, billiard and cigar rooms; even an air rifle range.

Chocolate scones at high tea however, will simply not do darling.

Wine is very expensive in hotels, in some cases five times the Dan Murphy’s price. Beer is reasonable and very cheap at supermarkets.

Brenda might have had a small tanty when presented with the wine of the month as the only by the glass option. Who can blame her it was Yellowtail sav blanc.

Saw fireflies again. Haven’t seen them since Laguna Bacalar in Mexico in 1997.

What is it with tea bags in the land of tea?

Room 322.

On the train again from Nuwara Eliya to Kandy we had seats reserved for the clergy. They must all be on trial somewhere.

The train trip is again very scenic and regarded as one of the best in the world.

The train stations at Nuwara Eliya and Kandy had segregated waiting rooms for men, women and foreigners. The foreigner rooms had comfy chairs that were wider in the seat.

We had a great first full day in Kandy town walking the streets. Chaotic, hot, noisy, smelly and fun.

Saw Bob Katter’s Sri Lankan doppelganger.

What is it with changing large denomination notes into small? Almost all places expect exact money, however if they don’t accept larger and provide smaller in change, how can you get small notes in the first place? Seems this circular argument is endemic to south east asia.

Brenda was evicted from the temple of the tooth for indecency. Fortunately my dress was long enough and I did wear longer underpants (on the inside).

Most popular tuk tuk slogan in Kandy is “save your money”.

Other tuk tuks have permanent “not for hire” signage on the front. A bit like the restaurant called calorie counter.

New game is trying to finish off the tuk tuk slogans - “running in the wind” …creates the bird nest look …isn’t good for your perm …better have a GHD.

There are more crows than curries in Sri Lanka.

Actually, would appear most curry meals are served with at least six accompanying curry dishes. A royal curry meal has 64, which begs the 64 curry question.

Stayed in a very swish boutique hotel where I was fiendishly fooled by instant coffee, thinking it was at least from a filter machine. Reputation in tatters.

Room 8.

Next edition from Sigiriya and Negombo.