Varenna - Lombardy (Lake como)

What a magnificent lake. The photos and maps don’t do it justice.

We’re just across the water to the north from the tourist mecca of Bellagio.

Within a few hours of arriving at Varenna I had an Italian couple questioning my handbag accessorizing.

Turned a three hour walk from Bellano to Varenna into five hours. This is becoming something of an Italy theme, although on this occasion we were on foot. GPS didn’t work…needed Alaina’s expertise.

Almost at the end of the walk in Castello di Vezio we happened across three older Italians singing along with a phone to Mario Lanza’s greatest hits. Quite charming.

Distretto - it’s not a coffee or a ferry.

Quote from our guide to Parco di Villa Serbelloni - “polenta is always a good idea”.

Is a salumeria always salubrious?

We enjoyed a disco fast boat ride from Lezzano to Tremezzo courtesy of the Bee Gees - Stayin’ Alive. Yes I do sing out of tune but I know all the words.

Villa Carlotta has an abundance of naked centurian men, just sayin’.

We thought we’d found the villa to buy.

Brenda exercised her super power on departure by requiring an unpack of my bag.

Torino - Piedmont

Home of Mussolini (and his finger), aperitivo, vermouth, chocolate for the masses, cappuccino, the magnum ice cream and cat eye liner.

Travelling along Via Roma shortly after leaving the station where we arrived the buildings reminded me of the 1967 french film Play Time.

Also home of Museo Egizio with one of the largest collections of egyptian antiquities and The National Museum of Cinema - Mole Antonelliana.

I wondered if the camera advertisement below is thought to be naked photography?

Plus the great coffee houses of Lavazza and Costadoro.

We strike difficulty finding a plain pastry for breakfast. Most things are sweet or have sweetness added.

The church apparently used coffee to lure recruits to their congregation around the time coffee became a popular and fashionable beverage.

We toured the food highlights of Torino for a day and amongst several delights we found great gelato, sorbet and granita.

Smoking rollies is a thing amongst young women.

We dined in a very old roman square in the city centre at a typically Torinese restaurant where the waiter, after taking an order for a second spritz glanced at Brenda’s half full spritz, questioned whether she “wanted another right now"?. RSA alive and well in Torino.

I wondered about the ubiquity of pistachio gelato. What about all the other neglected nuts?

Brenda’s new term for Barolo that’s a bit crap. “Tastes a bit dungee.”

Ever heard of sparkling sake? Me neither.

Moretti Rosa (beer) contained burnished malt. I thought that was only done to furniture?

A menu contained a dish described as fillet of croaker. Would that be frog?

Torino is rather covered in graffiti. We couldn’t decide if this was left alone on purpose or too costly to remove.

Alba - Piedmont (Barolo and Barbaresco)

It’s a very lovely town set amongst two of the world’s famous wine regions and the lesser known Roero.

The whole precinct is called Langhe, which mean tongues and referring to the various ridges running through this very hilly area. The state is Piedmonte.

There are various names for the tongues according to the style of wine they produce including elegant, medium and powerful, however no mother-in-laws tongue.

Day one in Barbaresco we meet the Grasso brothers - Alfredo and Luigi - spritely 80 and 70 somethings who still work the vines.

They have a Lamborghini. I ask for a drive. It’s a tractor.

They are very traditional in their wine making as are most of the wine makers in the region - you no change. It’s scary. It’s dangerous. Only 100% Nebbiolo.

Their mother lived to 106 and drank a glass of Dolcetto every day.

I buy an award winning 2011 limited release (only 200 bottles) for 40 euros. Crazy cheap.

We go to a church converted into a wine shop. I guess it is their religion. My companion on the tour muses -”I might go to church more often if it was a wine bar”.

In the afternoon we visit an eccentric estate (according to the locals) owned by people of French heritage. The husband is apparently very outspoken and flamboyant. His wife mentions it’s lucky we have a winery.

We were reminded constantly by our guide, Stefano, that you never rinse your glass with water before changing from one wine to another.

And, Barolo and Barbaresco are not swimming pool wines. They must be be given your full attention and drunk with reverence.

Look out for Barolos from 2016 (earlier 2010) or Barbarescos from 2011. Great vintages.

Vernazza - Liguria (Cinque Terre)

We arrive at our apartment and the front door seems to be locked with no means of entry. A very kindly Italian gentleman interrupts his card game at the nearby CSI club. He demonstrates by pulling down on the string that hangs from the centre of the door and it opens.

Found on a menu - cocked vegetables - are they stuffed? And, Cod fish bush. A hirsute gentleman or a lady?

Italy must have the highest rate of broken pos terminals in the world.

The police were stylish.

What does Miele flavour gelato taste like? A dishwasher?

Are we unconsciously bias to unconscious bias?

Why are there so many Aussies in Italy. Don’t they know I’m on holiday?

It was a rigmarole to organize dinner in Riomaggiore.

Lunch in Manarola was crab pasta - ”one animal and we use only once”.

Why are there no signs at a junction on a walk and plenty of them on the straight bits?

How many steps to circumnavigate the Saranza train station platform 4 - 787.

Perla Nera - Viagrande - Sicily

A very grande villa.

Yep, it happened again. An issue with the GPS on the way to Siracusa. Amongst many mis-directions it wanted us to turn left on a freeway for about 20 kms and then at a roundabout to take the seventh exit when there was only two. We decided to go around it three times until we counted to seven.

What happens on Sept 11. Our 40th anniversary and festival of the ananchini.

The nearby salumi shop is a cracker.

A wonderful week with friends with too many laughs.

Which wouldn’t have been complete without a trip to Etna.

Ragusa - Sicily

Just for a night for my birthday.

On the way we stopped at Noto, a beautiful old baroque town reconstructed after the earthquake of 1693. In a way like Napier in New Zealand the towns main building were all rebuilt at the same time and so have created a little pocket of glorious stone architecture.

Ragusa is an equally beautiful old baroque town with a marvellous church.

The Caravaggio exhibition only had one painting. Well the name does end in “o”.

Agrigento - Sicily

We took the coast road and found ourselves driving up what looks to be abandoned roads that no sensible person would travel along.

On the way we stopped at Donnafugata castle. Quite unique, beautiful and well preserved. The background to a chapter of the famous Italian novel The Leopard and historically significant to the decline of feudal Sicily and the rise of the mafia.

The water costs more than the beer (“what chew gunna do”) - imagine supporting gesticulations.

The valley of the temples is really worth a visit.

We really liked Agrigento.

Matera - Basilicata

We had a full day’s drive from Agrigento to Matera on the mainland, including a ferry across the Strait of Messina.

Peculiarities of the Autostrada:
- Long sections of 50 kmph.
- Short sections of 130 kmph.
- Speed signs and line markings are decorative.
- Slowing for road works on a completely separate piece of freeway.
- If riding a motorbike, the best place to pass is between two oncoming cars.

Wow what a place Matera is. Impossibly beautiful and our “cave” apartment equally so.

Filled with marvellous vistas into courtyards, across gorges, up stairs, through arches and just around the next corner.

Essentially it was quarantined from the remainder of the country for the best part of 200 years.

There is a fascinating history of their cave existence that had hardly changed for a few thousand years and was still their way of life right up until the early 1950s.

Matera has the perfect restaurants in caves with no mobile reception.

There seems to be an abundance of bean sprouts in Italian restaurants. The chefs must have done their apprenticeships in WA.

We travelled the world to finally find scallops cooked as well as Danny (who was from Calabria) in Balmain.

The paucity of polenta caused pouting by my precious princess.

Lecce - Puglia

Tried for the scenic route from Matera, however seemed to find industrial zones.

Along the way vineyards were vast and everywhere as were the olive trees.

Roadside trees on the way into Gallipoli (the one in Italy) were ironically eucalypts.

Lecce, yet another beautiful city in Italy.

The hotel is equally sensational.

Brenda preferred Kiss in a restaurant to squeaky music.

We arrived upon the main square on the way to dinner and were treated to YMCA karaoke by several young people complete with arm lines.

Generally Italian restaurants, enotecas and bars have our 1960/70s playlist (excluding Kiss).

Love an accelerator pedal in the dunny for water to wash hands.

Fabulous photo exhibition of central and South American people from 1977 to 1984 in
Otranto. This is the eastern most point of Italy.

Lunch at a local renowned seafood restaurant in Taverna del Porto including the entire ABBA back catalogue.

Can you find the two faces carved into the facade of the church below?

Polignano a Mare - Puglia

We drive from Lecce to this very popular and yet another beautiful seaside town.

The apartment is on the cliff face looking out on the Adriatic Sea.

We went to the oldest restaurant (claimed) in Italy in a large seaside cave. Expensive, yes. There was one type of beer on the drinks list at E45. The champagne was much better value.

Ever heard of bonito gelato? As close to a fish milkshake as you can get.

We discovered it’s unlucky to place your hat on the bar of a cafe whilst drinking a coffee.

Days trips consisted of drives to inland towns for lunch and the local sights. They were all lovely including Ostuni, Alberobello, Locorotondo, Cisternino and Ceglie Messapica.

Driving in Italy

Further rules, nay ideas:
- Show no fear, weakness or mercy.
- You can stop anywhere.
- You can pass anywhere.
- You can drive at any speed anywhere.
- The size, sex, age, dress or hair colour of the driver can be inversely proportional to their skill or recklessness.
- External input to your driving style is free and widely available, especially up one way streets.
- There will always be internal critics.

The rental car:
- Fiat Tipo (need I say more), yes.
- drives like a teapot.
- handles like a teapot.
- gear shift pattern is a lottery.
- steering wheel is only slightly higher than my groin.
- its brown (manufacturer’s colour “paradise bronze”).
- it was an upgrade.

Conversely, it’s not a hybrid, it is a diesel manual plus includes carplay and adaptive CC.

Food

Pigeon turine around foie gras.

Guinea fowl wrapped in lard with a cheese sauce.

Pork chops in soy and oil.

Michelin star restaurant degustation including mackerel, eel, sturgeon, sweetbreads and pigeon plus the pigeon heart.

Seven course degustation lunch in Barbaresco.

A simple bruschetta of prosciutto tomatoes, truffle cream, mushrooms and truffle oil.

Deep fried air at a two michelin star restaurant.

Smoked tuna with orange, fennel and chilli. Typically sicilian.

Pasta with the five Ps - pappardelle, pork, porcini, pancetta and parmesan.

Ok this one has to be eaten to be believed - horse tartare with blueberries, raw squid and squid ink.

Desert was lips like Mick Jagger’s, which I had to eat off the plate.